Elias crawls, wears diapers, and weighs only 24 pounds and my god I am terrified about throwing him into a preschool classroom with big fat strong kids who will sit on him and crush his skinny little limbs.
And I can't wait for him to start. Because Elias will love school.
Everyday he asks me to go on a car ride even when we have just walked into the house from his zillionth therapy appointment of the week. Car ride again bery bery soon. If I even mention LEAP or swimming or the library in conversation, say on the phone with a friend, he repeats the word and adds his own. Go nimming. Tuck ride to nimming. Nimming bery bery soon. Its not just the activities he craves but he loves spending time with people. And he's not at all shy.
(Don't let the fact that he doest maintain eye contact fool you. He may not be able to control his eyes to flirt but he will crawl up to you and gently rest his head against your leg--we call it a bonk and bonks are like kisses.)
On Saturday we celebrated the upcoming wedding of some friends of ours by
joining them for a potluck at Alpenglow, an almost completely volunteer run down-hill ski resort in Anchorage. Nick and I took turns socializing while the other person followed Elias around the chalet. While on Elias-duty a woman I didn't know approached me to tell me she thought he had a cherubic face and then she asked me how old he was. (You know, that question that is so simple to answer .)
Maybe it was the red wine in my hand. Or the warm<
feelings in the room. Or her compassionate face. But I didn't give her the short answer. No, she got the whole two uteri - week 18 bedrest - emergency c-section at 25 weeks - heart and brain surgery before two pounds -
94 days in NICU - multiple eye surgeries - legally blind - Cerebral Palsy - Chronic Lung Disease -delayed growth - happiest kid on the block - and turning three on Friday answer.
Elias meanwhile has crawled to a table of people I do not know, pulled himself to standing by holding onto their legs, and is saying: Come here up. Come here up--meaning pick me up and put me on your lap and feed me your chocolate chip oatmeal cookies.
Like I said, he's not shy.
And as much as I once thought I wanted to keep my kids home as long as possible so that I could teach them everything because I would be the all-knowing all-creative super mom I've been humbled by parenthood.
I'm not the only teacher Elias needs. And frankly, sometimes I'm a pretty shitty teacher.
I'm not always consistent. Elias no playing with the stereo. Later that day: I pretend I don't see him playing with the stereo so that I have five more minutes to write or clean or cook or read or god help me just sit and breathe.
I let my mood affect my lesson plans. Lets play hide and seek. OK mama is hiding, see if you can find me? Oh, you found me. Alright I'm hiding again. Pull covers over face and stretch time in bed for a whole extra hour. Peek a boo! You can't find me...
And I grow bored and frustrated and impatient at times. Not the best qualities for an all-the-time educator. So two and a half hours, four days a week, I am willing to hand Elias's education over to trained professionals.
As long as I get to meet with them first and I am comfortable with his new environment, teachers, and therapists.
As long as I agree with the report from his assessment and am comfortable with his IEP. (We meet on Feb. 7th to discuss both.)
As long as they love him the best. And swear they will keep him safe from pudgy buttocks or die trying.
And as long as Elias continues to smile.
(Elias now calls taking pictures, "taking a (s)mile")